I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
