Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
