It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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