You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
