The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize