Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
