There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There r osticjed everywhere
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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