feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
