Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
