He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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