A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
