I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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