it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
