Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
