I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
