I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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