Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
