I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
