sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
