Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
