dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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