I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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