You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize