On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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