im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
