who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
