addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize