he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
