Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
