Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
