you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
