The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
