I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize