I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I smell like Dick and happiness
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
