So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
