I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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