Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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