Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
