what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize