There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
