life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
