Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
