We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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