if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
