forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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