i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
