Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
