I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Fuck appropriateness.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
