every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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