Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
