Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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