Define "chronic" masturbator.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
