a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
