I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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