it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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