I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
