I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize