whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
