He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
