you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
