then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize