i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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