I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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