True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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