He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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