i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize