I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I need to calm my uterus...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
