She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
