I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
