i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
