think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
